Why this matters

Jobs aren’t only won with perfect Big-O explanations. They’re often won because someone helpful remembered you when a role opened. Networking is how you create those moments on purpose, without feeling like a walking sales pitch.

Think of it as engineering for luck: you design tiny, low-friction interactions that compound over time. No schmoozing required. Just clear asks, useful follow-ups, and a human tone.

Networking mental model

Networking = signal over volume. You don’t need to message 200 people; you need to reach the right 5 with the right context at the right moment.

Treat it like a system:

• Inputs: people, channels, messages.
• Process: match relevance, make a specific ask, follow up politely.
• Outputs: conversations, referrals, serendipity.

Optimize for repeatability: small templates, a simple tracker, and a weekly cadence you can keep even during crunch weeks.

Anti-cringe rules

• Be useful: offer something (insight, feedback, small help) before you need something big.
• Be specific: “15 minutes for two questions about your team’s on-call?” beats “Can I pick your brain?”
• Be brief: 5 sentences max. Respect attention like you respect CPU cycles.
• Be normal: write like you talk at standup. No faux grandeur, no “Esteemed Sir/Madam.”

“The less you try to impress, the more human you sound.”

Map your network

Start with warm then expand to warm-ish then cold.

• Warm: former teammates, classmates, managers, mentors, hackathon buddies.
• Warm-ish: alumni you’ve never met, maintainers whose repos you’ve contributed to, people who liked your post.
• Cold: shared company/role interest with no prior touch.

Make a quick inventory:

• People: names you can actually message.
• Shared context: school, repo, talk, community.
• Angle: how you’re relevant to them (not just to you).

Define your ask

A good ask is tiny, schedulable, and easy to say yes to.

• Goal types: info (learn), signal (be known), opportunity (get referral).
• Examples:
  • “Could you sanity-check my 2-sentence pitch for the Platform Eng role at X?”
  • “Are you the right person to ask about infra intern openings?”
  • “Open to a referral if my background fits? Happy to send a forwardable blurb.”

Make it binary-answerable and time-bound (5–15 minutes). Always offer an easy opt‑out.

Pick the channel

Different channels, different norms:

• Email: best for detail + forwarding. Great for referrals and “forwardable blurbs.”
• LinkedIn: short notes; good for connection + quick context. Expect slower replies.
• X/Slack/Discord: great for fast, casual pings after a public interaction.
• GitHub: perfect when your context is code (issues, PRs).
• IRL (meetups, conferences): start warm, follow up online within 24–48 hours.

Rule of thumb: match the channel to the context where you “met” them.

Proven templates

Alumni (email or LinkedIn):

Hi Maya — fellow UW alum (’22, CSE). Loved your blog on feature flags at FinFast; I’m working on a similar toggle system in a side project. Would you have 10 minutes this week for two questions about how your team rolls out infra changes safely? Totally fine if timing’s bad — appreciate any pointers. Thanks!

Open-source angle (GitHub → email):

Hey Alex — thanks for reviewing my PR #482 on foo-cache. I’m applying for a caching role at BarTech (your old team). Mind if I send you a 3‑sentence background for feedback or a referral if it aligns? All good if not — grateful for your time either way.

Event follow-up:

Hi Priya — enjoyed your QCon talk on incident runbooks. I volunteer on our on‑call rotation and tried your “first page is only links” idea. Could I ask two quick questions about metrics you track pre‑mortem? Happy to email instead if easier.

Mutual intro request (to a friend):

Hey Sam — would you be comfortable intro’ing me to Jordan on the ML Platform team? Draft blurb below to copy/paste if so. Zero pressure if it’s not a fit.

Company-interest cold email:

Subject: Tiny ask re: Platform Eng @ Northwind Hi Jordan — I’m a backend engineer who shipped the RBAC migration at Contoso (cut P95 auth latency 28%). I’m exploring Platform roles and Northwind’s roadmap caught my eye (particularly the service mesh work). Would you be open to a 10‑minute chat, or pointing me to the right person? No worries if not — thanks for reading.

Subject lines & notes

Subject lines that get opened:

• “Quick question about <team/tech>”
• “Fellow <alumni/community> + tiny ask”
• “Thanks for <talk/post> + one follow‑up”
• “Intro request (easy copy/paste inside)”

LinkedIn connection notes (<=300 chars):

• “Fellow UCLA CS; loved your post on migrations. Could I ask two quick Qs about your rollout checklist?”
• “Contributed tests to your s3-sync repo; would love to connect and learn how your team triages PRs.”

Warm intro flow

When asking for an intro, do the work for the referrer.

• Ask permission first: “Are you comfortable introducing me to Alex?”
• Provide a forwardable blurb:
  • Who you are (1 sentence).
  • Why this person (1 sentence).
  • The tiny ask (1 sentence).
  • Links: LinkedIn/GitHub/resume.

Example blurb:

“Hi Alex — CC: Jordan. Jordan and I overlapped on Contoso’s platform team; he led the RBAC migration (link). He’s exploring similar roles and had two questions about your service mesh rollout; 10 minutes if possible. If now’s not a good time, no worries.”

Informational chats

You asked for time — now make it count.

• Agenda (15–20 min):
  • 2 min: thanks + context.
  • 10–12 min: questions (prioritize).
  • 3–5 min: next steps + help you can offer.
• Question bank:
  • “If you were me, what one project would best signal fit for your team?”
  • “What surprised you about this role after joining?”
  • “Which skills would get someone promoted here?”
• Close strong: ask “Anyone else I should talk to?” and “May I keep you posted?”

Send a same-day thank-you with one sentence on what you’ll do next.

Follow-up cadence

Silence isn’t a verdict; it’s a busy calendar.

• Nudge #1 (after 3–5 business days): short bump, include original below.
• Nudge #2 (after 7–10 more days): “Totally fine to pass — leaving this with you. If helpful later, here’s a 2‑line summary of what I’m asking.”
• Close the loop: if you get help, send an outcome note (“Got the interview — thanks again!”). It’s memorable.

Bump template:

Hi Taylor — friendly nudge on my note below. If now’s not ideal, I’ll circle back next month. Thanks either way!

Give before you get

Ways to be useful in <15 minutes:

• Triage a bug report with steps to reproduce.
• Write a tiny doc improvement or test.
• Share curated links or your notes from a talk.
• Send a candidate lead to a hiring manager.
• Introduce two people who asked for the same thing (with consent).

Value compounds. Be the person who closes loops and ships small helpful things.

Events playbook

Before:

• Pick 3 people to meet; prep one question each.
• Post a short intent: “Going to SF Python tonight; curious about data quality tools.”

During:

• Start with context + question. Avoid “What do you do?”; try “What problem brought you here?”
• End with a tiny action: “Mind if I DM my notes?”

After (within 24–48 hours):

“Great to meet you at DevOpsDays — you mentioned migrating off Jenkins. Here are my notes + a link to a GitHub action we used. Open to a 10‑minute follow‑up?”

Track the system

You don’t need a CRM. A sheet works.

Columns to keep:

• Name, Handle/Email, Company/Role
• Context (alumni, repo, event)
• Last touch (date)
• Status (sent, replied, scheduled, closed)
• Next step (nudge date, action)
• Notes (what they care about)

Weekly habit: 3 new touches, 2 follow-ups, 1 give-first action. That’s the 3‑2‑1 cadence.

Boundaries & etiquette

• Time zones: propose windows in their zone; include yours.
• Calendars: offer slots first; share a scheduling link only if they ask or if coordination drags.
• Consent: don’t add people to group threads without asking.
• Resumes: send on request, or attach only when explicitly relevant (referral flow).
• Recording: always ask before recording a chat. Default is off.
• Accessibility: include a phone alternative; keep acronyms minimal.

Polite defaults travel well across companies and cultures.

Advanced moves

• Public artifacts: small posts on how you solved X with Y. Real details beat generic “passion for tech” lines.
• “Working in public”: issue comments, design docs, small OSS PRs. These create asynchronous reputation.
• Momentum notes: monthly update to a small BCC list of supporters (wins, asks, gives). Keep it short; always include a give.

Optional, powerful, compounding.

Anti-patterns

• Vague asks: “Would love to connect” with no reason.
• Bait-and-switch: “Just advice” → “Actually, can you refer me?” in the same call.
• Attachment overload: 7MB resume + portfolio + slide deck on first contact.
• Spray-and-pray: same generic message to 50 people (someone will screenshot it).
• Calendar link first message: feels transactional; earn it.
• Negging yourself: “Sorry to bother you” x3. Be respectful, not apologetic.

Mini scripts you can steal

First DM (mutual context):

“Hi Ana — fellow Recurse alum. Your thread on zero-downtime migrations helped me ship one last week. Could I ask two quick Qs about how you backfilled safely? Happy to move to email.”

Referral ask (after a good chat):

“Thanks again, Dan. If you think I’m a fit for the Platform Eng opening, would you be open to referring me? Here’s a 3‑line summary and job link — totally fine if not.”

Thank-you + loop close:

“Appreciate your time today, Priya. I’m trying your ‘runbook first page’ idea next sprint; will report back. If helpful, I can share a template once we iterate.”

Recap

• Networking is engineered serendipity: small, specific, respectful touches that compound.
• Use signal > volume: clear context, tiny asks, human tone.
• Tools: five-sentence message, forwardable blurb, 3‑5‑9 follow-ups, 3‑2‑1 weekly cadence.
• Behaviors: give first, close loops, track lightly, respect boundaries.

Do this for eight weeks, not one day. You won’t feel cringe. You’ll feel effective — and you’ll be on more shortlists.